Life Goes On

I see in our future, a nation that becomes poorer and poorer in both monetary means and spirit. "Doing poorly," they used to say about someone who had been ill and wasn't quite recovering. Yes, doing poorly.

I would always envision a chakey face, trembling body and dour nature. Not a pretty sight to a young fresh child. Later as I became older I learned what holding a hand can do and I learned to give in ways I'd never known. I saw death in new ways too.

I was always able to imagine something better. I knew change could happen, because I'd been through adolescent and I knew it was possible. Change really does happen as you get older. In fact, it is sometimes the salvation of a stagnent lifestyle. Change for change's sake is something that must be addressed later. This is not that.

I believe we can breathe the life back into our world but simply being who we are. Being "real" and being. It's a tough asignment as I look all around at the death and decay and fear and anger and all that is happening in our external world. Sometimes, I think. I don't have to do this much longer, because 'I'm pretty old already and it's the ones who come after me that will really have to knuckle down and survive'. Or, 'I can kick back and let some of the younger people do it, I've worked hard enough all my life'.

But, then I remember that we are all one and so in a way, it will be me doing it as well. Guess we really are all in the together. Another old saying, I remember for nude or naked was "He was in his altogether" and everyone knew that meant naked. So we are in the altogether, together, I guess.

And as I think on that, it comforts me to know we are just learning and learning is as difficult as we want to make it. Bring on the lessons!!! I'll kick back when I need a break, but always glad to get back in the frey! It's my way of being me. Inquistive,energetic, respectful, and quick. Like a squirrel. Not sure how they are respectful, but I bet they are. Ever see two squirrels meet on a telephone wire, each one going in the opposite direction? It is quite the acrobat show, but somehow they work it out. I think we as individuals are like that at times when we meet others of our own kind. A sort of acrobatic manueering of positions occurs until cooperation leads itself to beauty. Like a dance we sort things out and allow for each to win. We pass by and we continue on our journey.

So if our economy is doing poorly, and the employment rate is low, the banks are failing and there is nothing anyone seems to be able to do about it. Perhaps we are going to be poor for quite a while. At least some of us will be. We will slip into a lower and lower class until we are finally able to face our real selves instead of defining ourselves by what we have. Not a bad place to be. Whatever it takes will be provided. And the struggle against the truth will continue as long as necessary. Truth will out, but has infinite patience. We can take however long we want or need, it doesn't matter. We will still be here because the truth is what matters and we don't matter unless we are true. So, being my true self is a matter (no pun intended, really) of being myself at all times and in all circumstances. Hello!! Why does that seem so scandeosly difficult. Aha, as if I didn't know I was a phoney most of my life. My "true" self has barely enough time to sleep, much less be!!

Yet she is patient. And I continue to seek her solace and advice. This journal is one of the ways I can do that. She tells me over and over to sit silent and attend. I do, but I slip and get bored and my ADD takes over and suddenly I'm in the other room organizing a drawer! Still, the weather is better now, my garden nearly ready for it's Fall splendor and I am itching to get out and do some real work on creating a space to enjoy while I sit on my porch. It helps to have a comfortable and refreshing space in which to sit. Not always though. A walk, a movie, food, these things tend to bring comfort too, yet I know the comfort they bring is not only temporary, but a pale version of the "real" thing. Being real can get you a shit load of comfort. It's designed that way. Nice, huh? So, as in Groundhog Day, one pursues the drug of reality! And nothing seems to work when one tries to create it. It is only by being it that reality occurs and then it is like walking on clouds. We are so fortunate to be alive and to be who we are. It is a gift beyond price. I never was gracious about accepting gifts, greedy would be a better description. But, this gift has often been rejected, abandoned, held down, redirected and eventually disillusioned. Must be one tough truth if I'm so attached to trying to destroy it. If I have a gift, and I do because we all do (logic) and I don't use it, the world won't end. It may do more poorly, but it won't end. Just limp along sick and poor and unable to do for itself. Well, not quite. But it would be greatly enhanced by the gifts I have to contribute. Being able to esteem them would mean being "real" and I have been false so many times, I'm not sure I want to stop. And somehow, I know and remember that it all doesn't matter one way or the other, it all is unfolding as it should. And my fear arises. What if I get caught in the downdraft of the fall of our nation and our world. And I know I will do what needs to be done when it needs to be done and that's no different than now, so what do I have to be afraid of? A little work? I'm already doing that! I think I've seen too many holocaust movies and news casts of families torn apart by ware and subjegation. I want it to end. Naturally. We all do. It is not a matter of time, it is a matter of when. It will end, it will change, it will become something else some where else. And it may take many, many, many years to do that as it has in the past. Or it may happen in an instant. That's the exciting thing. personally, I like the idea of it happening in an instant, but then, I always tore the bandaid off with one quick jerk!!! So, in the meantime, I do what I can when I can do it. Over and over an over. Knowing I will contibute and I take away. It's a dog eat dog world. And we've been here a long time and I don't see us leaving anytime soon unless something better comes along. i think this is it. It's up to us to raise our consciousness in order to partake of that which we call God. My higher self knows the taste, but I don't always agree. I still try sugar and alcohol and other substances to change my consciousness. I am afraid to mediate. I am afraid to stop my stories and my phony presence. I want to bring myself to these events with ease and grace. I do not want to live seperate from most of society, no matter how different or disgusting they may seem. I will attend to being who I am in every setting and if I limit myself to my house, and yard and local haunts, I am not becoming an easy participant in life. There is life everywhere, though it may appear asleep. It exists. You can feel it as you get out of your car and see the family going to the movies. You can see it in a sunset around a city, never does nature seem to bow down to monopolis', but rather they are diminish by it's grandeur. If only for a second.

Life goes on.

S