some say I won't , most say I do.

Some say I won't , Most say I do.


I have always felt "not good enough" as my first reaction to anything. I think it is the same for many of us. The panic of our parents was often the medium that injected us with this toxin.

When I approach this aspect in me, I continue to learn from it. It seems to be operating for a very strong purpose. Finding out what that purpose is has been one of my many journeys.

Until recently, I've thought the "not good enough" conversation was there as a punishment or a curse. More and more, I am seeing it as a tape. But as in "Mission Impossible" the tape is a message. I almost feel like a spy trying to crack the code!!

Perhaps I will.

I know this. I have had to find the truth in the coded/message "not good enough". When I examine it, I find it has fallen way short. There is little truth in it at all.

In fact, I would venture to say it is entirely false. That means I am good enough.

So my life has been built on a false premise that I am not good enough. Since I have discovered the true premise, I dodge and avoid that old thought as much as I can. It's hard, because I believe it so strongly. I want it to be true.

When I tell the truth, I know that I want to think that goodness is unattainable. If I think that, I do not have to look at how good I am. It's a vicious circle and as I've always said the only way out of a revolving door is to step out of it. I learned that in the city, but it's applicable anywhere.

I step out of the "not good enough" conversation when I begin to hear it. At least most of the time. When I don't, I have friends who can help me remember that I am good enough. I have many times seen that I am good enough but I forget sometimes. So, when I can, I act accordingly. When I can't, it helps to have friends who remind me of it.

So, I'm good enough. And the old conversation looks more and more ridiculous every time it shows up. Very, outdated and very worn.